Your values are who you want to be and how you want to behave. They’re your way of being and doing. They consist of character traits and areas of your life that are important to you.
Your values become who you are. For example, if you value money above everything else, then that will define who you are.
Why understand your values?
Understanding your values gives you clarity on how you want to live your life. It allows you to walk your own path and move in a direction that is authentically aligned with who you want to be and what you want in your life.
By becoming clear on your values, you will find yourself comparing less to others, knowing where you should be spending your time and being in touch with the highest priorities in your life.
If you want to change your behaviours, you have you change your values. Poor decisions are sometimes made when you make decisions based on your short term and emotional values rather than you long term and meaningful values.
Your emotional brain wants to avoid discomfort at all costs. At times this can be useful, but often it can come at the cost of your long-term values.
Acting in line with your values is not easy. It may mean rejecting certain things and embracing your boundaries. You will need to check in with yourself and be honest about your behaviours. It could mean delaying gratification in the short term to feel greater fulfilment and success in the long term.
It can be an uncomfortable realisation, but your actions and behaviours tell the story, so ask yourself, what do your current behaviours say about what’s most important to you?
When you feel misaligned with your current life and actions and how you want your life to look and the person you want to be, you will have some psychological discomfort.
You may feel frustrated, angry, demotivated, flat or unhappy.
You might not be aware of this discomfort but is it there. Deep down you will know that you’re not happy. You will know that you want things to change but here’s the painful truth. You’ve done a fantastic job of convincing yourself that you can’t change, and your life can’t be different.
We all have different circumstances and challenges. Change can look very different from person to person but in some shape or form, we can all take positive action towards our values.
“Personal values are the measuring sticks by which we determine what is a successful and meaningful life.” – Mark Manson
Without taking the time to ask yourself some important questions, your life will not change.
To understand your values, take your time to reflect and give yourself some honest answers to these questions:
- WHAT THINGS BRING YOU THE MOST JOY AND HAPPINESS?
- LOOK AT THE PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE. WHAT IS IT ABOUT THEM THAT YOU ADMIRE?
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEONE TO DESCRIBE YOU?
- WHAT AREAS OF YOUR LIFE DO YOU INVEST THE MOST TIME, ENERGY AND MONEY?
- WHAT AREAS OF YOUR LIFE ARE YOU THE MOST ORGANISED AND DISCIPLINED IN?
- WHERE ARE YOU CURRENTLY SPENDING YOUR TIME?
- WHAT DO YOU ENJOY TALKING OR LEARNING ABOUT THE MOST?
- WHAT/WHO IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU?
A key part of this is also understanding why you value these things. For example, if you invest lots of time, energy and money into exercise for the sole purpose of getting external validation from others, and to feel better than other people, then we might say that the value is healthy, but the underlying reasons for the value are not.
Asking yourself why a value is important to you is key in understanding the deeper drivers.
Understanding your barriers:
Understanding and awareness is only the first part. Next is taking action in line with your values. For action to be consistent and sustainable it’s vital to know what your barriers are.
We all have barriers, but we can all find solutions. These barriers might be time, other people or your own mindset.
Living a life which allows you to fully engage with your values leads to a life that is fulfilled and meaningful.
Values help guide and point you in a meaninful direction.
Many people will say they value success and happiness. These are the rewards of living a life according to your values, rather than values themselves.
Taking action:
We think and say we value certain things but we can be guilty of never back them up with actions.
Being clear on the action that helps you fulfil your values is important. You might say being kind is a value, but without understanding what this looks like in your life then it’s just words.
Understanding your values allows you to have intent with your actions and be the person you want to be. It reduces the chance of you being led by your environment and emotions.
“Living congruently with what you value most is the key to mastering your life and feeling the deepest fulfilment in life.” Dr. John Demartini
