We all have a set of beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. These beliefs can be rigid and govern much of our thinking style.
Your beliefs can be helpful and support your growth, or they can be limiting and hinder you.
Limiting beliefs are false beliefs that hold you back from doing something important, meaningful and valuable. They can prevent you from moving your life in a worthwhile and purposeful direction. They can become psychological boundaries that prevent you from pursuing your goals and desires.
“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.” Henry Ford
People who believe that they’ll do well, tend to do well. They have more confidence that the outcome will be good, even if the current circumstances are challenging. We can see how powerful the mind is at creating an environment that meets its expectations when we see studies on the placebo effect. Beliefs influence your expectations, and if you expect to feel a certain way then you likely will. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Building helpful beliefs is key to developing a strong, resilient and capable mindset.
Story of the baby elephant
A baby elephant is born in a circus and is tied to a stake with a rope. The elephant tries to break free but fails, and eventually gives up. When the elephant grows up, it’s strong enough to break free, but it doesn’t because it’s learned it can’t be successful.
This metaphor paints the picture of how your previous experiences can cause limiting beliefs. Your beliefs have been moulded by your parents and caregivers as well as your previous experiences.
Limited mindset
Unhelpful beliefs can cause you to have a very limited mindset. One example is a scarcity mindset. This is the belief that there are limited resources to meet unlimited wants. For example, someone with a scarcity mindset might believe there is only so much success available. If another person is successful then this means they are less likely to be successful themselves.
Another example might be that someone believes there is only so much money available, so they must save every penny and avoid taking any risks with what they have.
Positive mindset
A positive mindset is born of a helpful set of beliefs. An example would be having a growth mindset. This is a way of thinking where challenges and setbacks can be viewed as opportunities to improve. It is a belief that your abilities can improve through effort and persistence.
Helpful and positive beliefs are still realistic. They acknowledge and accept that there will be difficulties and challenges but see that as part of the process rather than an obstruction to their progress.
Building awareness of your cognitions
You have thousands of thoughts every day. When you’re struggling in a certain area it’s important to look at what thoughts are driving the struggle. Maybe you’re struggling to act or to stay consistent with positive behaviour, maybe you’re struggling with a reoccurring negative behaviour.
For example, if you don’t believe that you’re focused enough to stick with your exercise habits, then as soon as you have a slight lapse, this becomes the confirmation that you’re looking for, which then turns into a total relapse.
Where to start
Ask yourself:
What direction you would like to move towards in your life?
What behaviours would you like to reduce or eliminate?
What behaviours would you like to be more consistent with or introduce into your life?
Now ask yourself:
What beliefs have stopped you from acting already?
The most common limiting beliefs are:
That you’ll fail.
That you’ll be rejected.
That you’re not good enough.
Not having enough time.
Not having enough experience.
Not having enough money.
Not being smart enough.
Not being talented enough.
Thinking others will hold you back.
Being too old or too young.
If you want to grow and develop then challenging these limiting beliefs is vital.
Ask yourself these questions:
What evidence do you have that these negative beliefs are correct?
Where have you previously been successful and why?
Can you accept that rejection is not certain, but it is a part of life and that’s ok?
What are your strengths and where are you showing them?
How can you prioritise your time on the most important things?
Who can support you?
How can you best utilise your current experience?
What’s one positive step you can take?
Getting away from all or nothing thinking will help you move forward. Often you may find the unhelpful thoughts are still present, but overtime you can learn to challenge these beliefs and take positive action despite them. At first this will be uncomfortable but the more positive steps you take, the easier it will get.
When you’re feeling stuck due to your beliefs, ask yourself, how would an intelligent person disagree with these beliefs? This challenges you to entertain a different perspective and point of view. You don’t have to accept this point of view, but part of being a good thinker is to at least entertain a different perspective. If you never try on the new clothes to see if they’ll fit, then you’ll be stuck in the same clothes forever.
Or to quote a far better thinker than myself:
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Aristotle
What evidence would you need to see that you could be wrong?
Often, our initial defence mechanism is to dig our heals in when met with information that contradicts our beliefs. We’ll search for and find as much information that agrees with our beliefs and points of view to avoid the internal conflict.
The tighter we hold onto our beliefs, the less open we become to entertaining new or contradictory information. This can hinder your growth because you never change. You keep doing the same things over and over, expecting a different result. Until you address the deep roots of why you’re struggling to change, feeling happy, content or move your life in a positive direction then you’ll stay stuck.
The uncomfortable fact is that your limiting beliefs are protecting you. They might make you feel different or special and become part of your identity.
If you believe you won’t be successful then why put the effort, sacrifice and hard work in.
Here are some examples of how your beliefs might influence your thoughts:
Thought - I can’t study because I can’t afford the fees for the course.
Belief – I need a certain amount of money to start learning.
Thought - I can’t exercise because I have back pain.
Belief – Exercise will make my back pain worse.
Thought - I can’t be in good shape because I can’t train 5 times per week.
Belief – To be in good shape I must train 5 times per week.
Thought - I can’t eat healthy because I’m not disciplined enough.
Belief – I must be 100% disciplined to be healthy and I’m not a disciplined person.
Thought - I’m a failure because I failed one exam.
Belief – If I fail at anything, that means I am a failure.
If your thoughts and underlying beliefs are unhelpful, they can cause lots of emotional distress. They will likely stop you taking positive action and lead you down a negative spiral.
For example:
Exercise has been proven to help with back pain, so ironically the belief that it’s not safe to exercise with back pain, might be keep you in pain.
Creating new beliefs
So far, I’ve covered becoming aware of some of your unhelpful and limiting beliefs and then challenging them, but the most important part is about creating new positive experiences.
Sticking with the low back pain example, it’s not until you engage in exercise to feel the improvement in your back pain that you start to rewire these new beliefs.
This is because our minds are constantly changing and being moulded by our experiences by a process called neuroplasticity.
Unhelp beliefs – The three musts
Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) helps people identify and change negative and irrational thoughts patterns and beliefs.
Have you ever found yourself falling into any of these three musts?
“I must do well and win the approval of others for my performances or else I am no good.”
“Other people must treat me considerately, fairly and kindly and meet my expectations.”
“Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience, and I must always get what I want, or else I will be unhappy.”
We all have beliefs that can be unhelpful and not serve us very well at times. They can be the root drivers of emotional distress and feeling discontent with our lives.
Catching unhelpful thoughts and beliefs and then challenging them is important. This will help you increase your self-awareness about how you think, feel and behave which will improve your wellbeing and life. As you gather more self-knowledge and wisdom, you’ll find it easier to be open to helpful ways of thinking about yourself, others or the world.
Ultimately, it’s about engaging in new experiences that are in line with your values with a positive attitude and embracing change as you build better beliefs for a better life.
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